Wholesome 8===D

I watched Bring It On last weekend, and I thought to myself there's probably nothing in the world better than good cheerleader movies.

But, yesterday, I watched The Hammer, and I thought to myself that there's probably nothing in the world better than a good boxing movie.

If the two were successfully combined, you would have the greatest movie ever made in the history of the world.

On April 11, 2004 I wrote this really long diatribe about The Sopranos and a girl I was watching The Sopranos with who was never able to get the dead weight of southern California out of her head. I found them both, the girl and the series, to be equally "retarded."

A mere three years and change later, I'm a bona fide Sopranos fan. I watched season eight from beginning to end, and then season seven. Now, thanks to the magic of Chinese movie piracy, I've finished seasons one, two, and three. Some of you may rightfully ask, wholesomedick, how could you sell out your principles? One answer might be that I was unable to separate The Sopranos from the bat-shit crazy lady who introduced me to them. Another might be that no one would shut-up about the last season, including Adam Carolla. As many of you know, Adam Carolla lives inside my heart where Jesus used to be.

I think the real reason is Jamie-Lynn Sigler (aka Meadow Soprano). I like her look. It's like Sicilian with a touch of Persian. I don't so much have a "type" as I just recognize girls who have "it." Jame-Lynn Sigler has "it."

( Which brings me to my point...  )

Who knows why we actually like what we like? I don't. What self is there to like things to begin with? We're just these conscious amorphous blobs of tissue regenerating ourselves at a cellular level until something breaks. All of life on planet Earth is just one drawn-out BLARG sound of icky biological processes with delusions and consciousness on the top, physics and uncertainty on the bottom.

Go try to hide from reality with your ideas of rights and identity. Something is burning outside my window. I have to go.

Friday, June 1, 7:30pm at The Skirball Cultural Center, Zócalo at The Skirball

Moderated by Los Angeles Times columnist Meghan Daum

Radio personality Adam Carolla visits Zócalo for a lively, irreverent, and possibly shocking conversation with Meghan Daum. Best known for his comedic rants about everything from the complexities of the American class system to the hypocrisies of political correctness, Carolla's humble beginnings as boxing instructor/carpet cleaner/traffic school teacher informed his sensibility as a wry and unique observer of human behavior. Though no stranger to criticism--he provoked the ire of Asian American activists last year--Carolla's hybrid of scatological humor and sophisticated social analysis has garnered him fans from across the cultural spectrum. He will discuss his obsessions, his politics, and his thoughts on being labeled an "American Genius."

• Video
• mp3

http://www.zocalola.org/past_events_2007.html

NOTE: I know this is over a month old, but I just found it. Listen.

Crossposted to: wholesomedick, loveline, love_line, adamcarollashow

So, I'm listening to the July 9th episode of The Adam Carolla Show (adamcarollablog), and I'm actually really interested in Teresa Strasser's love life. I think most 20 something guys who listen to The Adam Carolla Show are, because given the nature of Adam's audience we'd all like to marry/date/fuck a nice Jewish girl (preferably of the North American domesticated Ashkenazi variety).

( Who wouldn't? )

Anyway, "T" (as she's known on the air), just started dating this new guy. At the beginning of the show Adam asked T (paraphrasing) "So, you spent most of the break on your back?" and T said "No. I spent about half of it on my back and the other half on my knees."

If I was a better person, I'd be happy that T is in love and getting her holes filled. But given my dark narcissistic soul I just started getting angry and thinking "It's summer, I'm single, there are no nice (or even not-so-nice) girls getting on their back or knees for me, and if I walked out side right now, there's a good chance I'd step on a cockroach." Then that made me angry. Then I decided to write on LiveJournal about it. So, now here we are.

And where do I go from here? To bed, I guess.

Ohh, and sorry for being MIA from LiveJournal again, I've been cheating on you all with my Wikipeda Watchlist.

If things don't start changing soon, I'm going to try and find a state job or something like that with good health, dental and 40 hour weeks.

Then, I'm going to cut my hair like how Harrison Ford had it in Blade Runner. Then, I'm going to spend the rest of my time at a boxing gym. And then, I'm going to box.

It's been on my mind a lot since it's a constant theme on the Adam Carolla Show (adamcarollablog). I've been watching a lot of it on Joost, and it seems like it would be a lot of fun.

My boxing nickname will be "The Replicant."

While it might have been cool if Ségolène Royal won the French election, it would have been bad for me — it would have put her further out of my league. Ségolène est un cougar! C'est magnifique!

( Ahh... Ségolène, I pine for thee... )

Of course, she's no spring chicken — but that's kind of the point. I mean, I've never been more aroused by a politican in my life. And, you know, little botox... maybe a face-lift, and she could easily pass for 33.

Speaking of female politicians, Hillary Clinton should hire Ségolène to be her fashion consultant. As much as I've supported Hillary in the past, the more I see her on T.V. the more it seems like she dresses in easter bunny vomit and eats babies. Which is ashame, because I don't think she eats babies.

Now, allow me to take you a little further down my hole of chronophilia, and introduce (to those of you who have met her yet) Allison Stokke.

( THIS GIRL IS ONLY 18 YEARS OLD )

Initally I wanted to call her the new Amanda Wenk, but she's much more than an 18 year old girl with huge boobs who got some racy pictures of her plastered all over the interwebs. Then I thought about calling her the Lindsay Lohan of pole vaulting, but she's not an alcoholic lush, she's an athlete.

Yes, she's really a pole vaulter. Can you believe that? POLE VAULTING?! I don't even want to start with the puns and the double entendres, because... Having a smoking hot girl who's a professional pole vaulter... It's every comedian's wet dream (te-he!). I mean, I can't commit suicide now because I'm too anxious for the jokes about her when she becomes mainstream, and her inevitable spread in Playboy.


Anyway, today this chronophile got up at 11:45am, had some pizza and some generic Easy Mac. Did some chin-ups. Called Senators Allard and Salazar (senkensalazar) about S. 1353, and Representative Perlmutter about H.R. 2060 (The Internet Radio Equality Act — everyone sign-up for info at SaveNetRadio.org). I downloaded, and listened too, the latest episode of the Adam Carolla Show (adamcarollablog). Ran chkdsk. Watched two episodes of Real Time. Wrote this entry, and now it's finally time to start my day.

Deaf Frat Guy was picking "Ms. Delta Fu" on the last episode of The Adam Carolla Show (adamcarollablog) and some dizzy candidate described herself as a "MILPH" that stands for "Mother In Life, Passion, and Health." She's part of a group of women trying to "get away" from the "derogatory" term MILF (Mom I'd Like to Fuck).

Ironically, becoming a MILPH means you are no longer a MILF, just a MILSTFU.

Part of the attraction of MILFs (and cougars) is that they're willingly putting themselves in a buyer's market. You don't have to take a MILF out to dinner. You don't have to listen to MILFs talk about "life," their (non-sexual) "passions" or their "health" (passed knowing that they're not a MWHIV). In return MILFs get to sleep with someone 20 years younger than them with 10x the stamina of men in their age-group. For that same reason, both parties involved know the relationship isn't (and really couldn't) go anywhere. You don't have to worry about marriage, commitment, meeting eachother's family on Thanksgiving, or impressing them, you just get to have freaky no-strings-attached sex.

This whole MILPH thing completely ruins that attraction. If you're a MILPH, then you're just (at best) a good-looking older woman living up in her head with cliche advice you heard on Oprah. If you want to be a MILPH, how about instead you just focus on being an 'M' (e.g. mother) and instead of posting pictures of yourself in underwear on the Internet trying to prove something or get over whatever insecurities you're dealing with -- focus that energy on being a good parent. Be caring, nurturing, do what you can to love your kids and take care of your family.

Just don't give your sons or daughters relationship advice, because you obviously don't understand the first fucking thing about them.

I just watched a lecture from Ted Nelson at the Googleplex. It turns out Ted Nelson and I have a few things in common. For starters, we both have ADD. Ted Nelson grew up in Greenwich Village, and I've been to Greenwich Village twice. We're both a little OCD about organizing information. Ted Nelson coined the term Hypertext, and I coined the term GeoJerking.

Ted Nelson has spent most of his life working to create and popularize Project Xanadu. I get scared sometimes of falling in to a trap like that.

Larry Page said kind of the secret of Google was being able to do a lot of things quickly and then knowing when you have a winner. The Buddha said: if you cling, you will suffer. Adam Carolla said (when leaving Loveline): I don't suspect Ill like my next job as much as I liked Loveline but it's not always about doing what's easiest or what you enjoy the most. Change is often times sad but rarely bad. In the big picture a life without change is a stagnant one.


So, what have I learned? Sakyamuni Buddha = Larry Page = Adam Carolla.

It's weird how certain kinds of personalities are attracted to radio. For instance, I've been listening to The Adam Carolla Show (adamcarollablog) a lot since the first of the year, and it strikes me how much Danny Bonaduche (-Christianity, +Satanism) reminds me of cnimbus and how much Teresa Strasser reminds me of Sapphire (the girl doing the interview with Kan'Nal in their Studio Free Set).

( Adam Carolla? He reminds me of taking over the world. )


Speaking of Adam Carolla, my girlfriend and I were talking about being asked for spare change the other day, and she remarked that she was raised not to do it. I paused for a second and said "I wish I was raised to do something."

I wish my parents would have sat me down and some point and explained how parts of the world worked. Looking back on it, the only time I ever got "moral" advice from my parents it was mostly that I shouldn't have sex until I was married, and that if I wasn't a Christian I would go to hell.

From about the end of high school when I became and atheist to about three years ago I was mostly an empty vacuum of morality, and I sucked it just about whatever I could from the anti-Christian cultures I was trying to get juiced in to. That didn't change until I started listening to Loveline (the ones with Adam -- I don't think you'll get the same effect from Stryker).

Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew administered this test to guests appearing on Loveline. I had always meant to call them about when they were going to release the result, but never did. I wonder if they found anything else significant other than increased Narcissism? You are part of the mystery.

LOS ANGELES, Sept. 5 /PRNewswire/ -- Celebrities have more narcissistic personality traits than the general population, and people with narcissistic tendencies seem to be attracted to the entertainment industry rather than the industry creating narcissists, according to a groundbreaking study conducted by researchers Drew Pinsky of the Keck School of Medicine of USC and S. Mark Young of the USC Marshall School of Business and the USC Annenberg School for Communication.

The study, which will be published in the Journal of Research in Personality (Elsevier), is the first systematic, empirical scholarly study of celebrity personality and was based on a standardized test of narcissistic personality traits administered to 200 celebrities.

"The general public's understanding of celebrity personality is based largely on anecdotal information such as media interviews," said Young. "We conducted this study as part of a larger program of research to provide more scientific evidence on what the celebrity personality is really like."

The authors say they chose narcissism as the topic of the study because it is one of the most widely discussed characteristics of celebrities.

"Narcissists generally crave attention, are overconfident of their abilities, lack empathy, and can evince erratic behavior," said Pinsky, who is an assistant clinical professor of Psychiatry at USC. "However, they are also well-liked, especially on first meeting, are extroverted and perform well in public."

http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/060905/latu045.html

Crossposted to loveline, wholesomedick

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/52104

The Onion is like the Klu Klux Klan of comedy; hiding behind fake news like racists in white sheets. On the inside, they're just smoldering balls of ignorance, fear and resentment too scared to confront the real world. They also hate Italians and Jews, they're not sure which one Adam is, but they're pretty sure he should go back to Africa.

crossposted to: adamcarollashow, loveline, wholesomedick

Loveline animation guru, Michael Narren, has just made another glorious Loveline cartoon. You must watch it:

http://home.comcast.net/~beefypapal/Pages/DRomeo.htm

Then you must digg it:

http://digg.com/videos_comedy/Dr._Drew,_I_Want_To_Prolapse_The_Anus_of_Your_Daugther


Crossposted to loveline, adamcarollashow, wholesomedick.

No one has really gotten forum and wiki feeds "right" yet. I just "unfriended" haxe and osflash (both wikis) because their feeds are so clogged with bullshit. I'd almost like to unfriend goat_based (a loveline/carolla forum) for the same reason, but I begged for the the RSS feed, so I figure I should use it.

Of all the ones I've see so far, the model/format of Full Meat's feed from The Loveline Companion (lovelinecompan) is the least obnoxious.

I don't know how I would solve this problem yet.

BTW - ljgate is kind of cool.

www.thehammermovie.com

( BTW )

DEAR GOD, NO! PLEASE SAY IT ISN'T TRUE! DON'T LET HIM GO! TAKE ME INSTEAD! I'LL DIE SO THAT HE CAN STAY!

http://www.bisource.com/gainrider/This-Is-My-Last-Week.mp3

NO! NO! NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! NOOOO!